Parents,
Henry Adams (1838-1918) said, “I had rather starve and rot and keep the privilege of speaking the truth than of holding all the offices that capital has to give, from the presidency downward.”
I have a great truth-speaking talk I heard this week. I’d like to share it with you. It’s an easy listen while you commute or otherwise listen on-the-go. I highly recommend this solid lecture.
Ryan Evans, school administrator in Seattle, recently offered it and it's refreshing, practical and direct talk about the fundamental nature of parenting. It’s a podcast, “Trinity Church,” in Seattle.
The title of his talk is, “Parenting is easy…until you have children: Strategies for Discipline and Discipleship.” He addresses many things and at the end, cell phone usage and dating, (briefly) and knowing what you will allow as parents is important to have clear when kids are in single digits.
Some of the basic structure for his talk is as follows:
A) Presuppositions about Parenting
Some general notes: -The Bible has far more to say about parenting than we might realize. -“Discipline is not a substitute for the gospel.” Spankings don’t save obviously. However, gracious parenting does not exclude high standards and correction. -As parents, we have to take seriously the way we were raised/trained. These were woven into us and we mostly default to the general patterns with how our parents raised us, and this of course can be positive habits or negative. -Avoid arguing with your children. The easiest method of correcting children is often not the best, like yelling. Do not wait until you’re irritated before correction begins, this leads to discipline from anger.
B) Biblical Training
We can overreact against the abuses of parenting we might have experienced as a child. For example, if we were struck in anger then we might throw out corporal punishment altogether, even if it were done judiciously and in love. Why? Because we can’t separate the practice from our negative association.
C) Principles and Methods
He gives examples of highly problematic parenting ruts that become destructive: The Negotiator, (bartering and cajoling) The Tyrant, (yelling, stare-downs, everyone’s on egg shells in the home. The home ceases to be a place of peace). The Abdicator, (passive and lazy parenting that ignores the heart attitudes of the disobedient child). The Advisor and The Pacifier, (discipline is too harsh. “Grace doesn’t punish.” Truth and righteousness are sacrificed on the altar of being “nice” and not wanting the child to be angry at them. Parents in this rut have to always be “buddies” with their children. The Excuser (expectations of children are way too low, loose, and unstructured). The Unbeliever (parenting is just a random, you-never-know-what’s-going to-happen-with-your kids … giving up.
Fundamental Principles: -Insist upon prompt and cheerful obedience. What we permit – we promote. “We will get more of what we subsidize, less of what we penalize.”
-Use the “rod” Prov. 13:24. -Saturate them in love, and this includes discipline. Grace and discipline are not mutually exclusive. -Correction must be firm, fair and consistent. -Children must see affection and secure love in their parents’ marriage to flourish as God intends.
Enjoy the talk! May God bless you and your family.
Mr. Alexander